The last time I saw Marilyn was in late 1959, when I appeared in Let's Make Love at Fox. The wide-eyed Marilyn I had first known was gone. This Marilyn was more beautiful than ever.
By: Milton Berle
The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy.
My son has a big Christmas problem - what do you buy for a father who has everything and you're using it?
Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce.
Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot.
In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
Experience is what you have after youve forgotten her name.
The company accountant is shy and retiring. Hes shy a quarter of a million dollars. Thats why hes retiring.
A good wife always forgives her husband when shes wrong.
Poverty is not a disgrace, but its terribly inconvenient.
Id rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. Id rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.
Money cant buy you happiness, but it helps you look for it in a lot more places.
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