Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
By: Milton Berle
It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.
I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
do you know
At Christmas you can get real bargains. I saw one item marked down ten dollars. It was a yacht.
I bought a Christmas tree for twenty dollars. When I came home the next day, my wife was wearing it in her hair.
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