I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.
By: Milton Berle
I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
This man's wife told him,
You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
Some kids want to know why the teachers get paid when it's the kids who have to do all the work.
A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered,
The Post Office is very careful nowadays. When they get a package marked
At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost.
When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher,
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